Your Publicist Is An Idiot If...

She spends more time working on her new reality show than getting you media.
He thinks Seymour Hersh is the new hair gel editor at Cargo.
Her daily reading is limited to NY Metro or whatever free tabloid they give out on the corner of 86th and Lex.
He has appeared as an “expert celebrity commentator” on VH1’s whacktastic “I Love the 80s.”
She was even peripherally involved with Star Jones’ wedding fandango.
He accepted a boatload of money to shill for “No Child Left Behind,” yet somehow thought no one would find out about it.
She thinks a semi-colon is a holistic method of cleansing one’s lower digestive tract.
When you ask for a press release, she sends you back something that could be an uncorrected proof of Joyce’s notoriously incomprehensible “Finnegan’s Wake.”